Rune Skovbo Johansen
Creative Programmer & Designer
runevision
Menu

Raytracing Jokes

More than 250 of the "You know you have been raytracing too long when..." jokes, and more than 120 of the "POV-Ray related movies" jokes! (The POV-Ray related movies jokes are not real jokes but you might find some of them funny anyway. Or you might not.)

If you are the author to some of the jokes marked "unknown", please tell me and I'll fix it. I don't take new jokes and add them to the list though.

You know you have been raytracing too long when…

... You despise screensavers because they waste precious CPU cycles.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... Every computer upgrade you have made in the past three years has been to accommodate more complex images.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... It takes longer to parse your input files than it does to render them.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... The first thing you do each morning is see if your job from the previous night is progressing well/finished.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... Your idea of a complete computer is a fast CPU, lots of RAM, and a means of running POVray.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... You have ever let a single trace run for more than a month.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... You think 80s movies have the funniest special effects.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... You have ever put more than a thousand rendered frames of an animation into one directory.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... You have archived more than thousand rendered frames of an animation onto a CD to avoid ever having to re-render.
Aaron Gage a.k.a Slartibartfast

... You hear a name beginning with the letter K and wonder if it's David Buck's middle name.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... The name David K. Buck means something to you.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You downloaded and printed the Renderman Interface documentation, so you'd have a little light reading to take on holiday.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You keep a blacklist of people who ask questions about 3DFX products.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You refuse to eat any food you can't render.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... Your optometrist (whom you've come to know very well, after years of abusing your eyes) comes to you for professional advice.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You're quite happy to let people think you're on a mission to enlighten the world - in other words; you've stopped trying to explain what "global illumination" is.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You're quite happy to render fifty times as many pixels as necessary, just so one object will be supersampled adequately.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You've been asked how you did that thing you did, by the author of the raytracer you used to do it.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You know how to render a truly photorealistic compact disc, and you're not going to tell anyone (least of all a POV user ;) ).
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... Your colleagues have accused you of being from the future.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... You're starting to find these quotes more unsettling than funny.
Alex McLeod a.k.a. Giant Robot Messiah

... The sun hurts your eyes.
AmaltheaJ5

... When people ask you, "What's up?", you reply "Y", and they say, "I was just wondering", and you say, "well now you know". (Abbot and Costello at SIGGRAPH?)
AmaltheaJ5

... You tell your son or daughter they must go to community college so you can afford to get a quad alpha because these scenes take too damn long to render!
AmaltheaJ5

... You spent more time with your computer then you do your family.
AmaltheaJ5

... You have to buy a new computer to do your homework on because the other 5 are still rendering that cool finale of "Godzilla meets the Julia monster...with volumetric lights'.
AmaltheaJ5

... You're the only person in the world that doesn't think that dancing baby is cute.
AmaltheaJ5

... You actually read all the documentation that comes with programs.
AmaltheaJ5

... You hate games, but you buy Riven just to look at the pictures.
AmaltheaJ5

... You insist on calling your children Ray, Voxel, Max, Mandel, Tracy, Julia, Vector, or Nurb."
AmaltheaJ5

... You can look at a POV script and tell how long it will take to render, to the nearest 1/10th of a second.
Carsten Whimster

... You have ever brought your computer to its knees by mistakenly launching 64 simultaneous frames to be traced, while trying to maximizing the benefits of parallelizing them
Carsten Whimster

... You think to yourself "cool lens flare effect" while you're watching REAL lensflares on TV, off car windscreens, etc.
Chris "I drank what?" Upton

... You wonder if ground fog or athmosphere will look better for your company's market share pie chart.
Christoph Rieder

... You take a photo course just to learn how to get the lighting right.
Christoph Rieder

... You read about an algorithm or datastructure and your first thought is: "How can I use this to speed up raytracing?"
Christoph Rieder

... In the middle of a conversation about child behavior you suddenly proudly blurt out that you finished rendering the saucer section of the USS Enterprise, thereby confusing everybody.
David Kraics

... You can remember the 4 digit decimal equivelents to measurements down to 1 sixtyfourth of an inch.
David Kraics

... You spend over an hour trying to figure out how to difference out that @$%# shape.
David Kraics

... You take a break from rendering by painting your ceiling black at 2 AM.
David Kraics

... You can't look in any direction without wondering how to render it.
David Kraics

... You wonder which raytracer God used.
David Kraics

... You dream that you are rendering, then you wake up and scream when reality hits you.
David Kraics

... You call in sick in order to render.
David Kraics

... You spend 4 days at work wondering how to render your tongue.
David Kraics

... You visit the eye doctor and ask if he can increase your viewing resolution and turn on anti-aliasing.
Doug Eichenberg

... Your POV-Ray config file includes a 32*32 setting for making Windows icons with.
Dylan Beattie

... You spent the whole of Titanic wishing the actors would get out of the way.
Dylan Beattie

... You can't leave the house until you've started a long trace going ("Hang on, I'll be there in a second, I just need to move this last spotlight a bit...")
Dylan Beattie

... You've ever nested CSG's so deep inside one another that when you come back with more coffee you can't remember what the hell you were doing and have to start again.
Dylan Beattie

... Intel announce the PII/400 and your first comment is "but that's only twice as fast!"
Dylan Beattie

... You can draw things quicker in POV-Ray than you can using a pencil and paper.
Dylan Beattie

... You buy model kits just to get measurements from and never actually build them.
Dylan Beattie

... You can't look at wallpaper without working out where the "tile" is.
Dylan Beattie

... You've ever "lost" a Julia fractal because you're not quite sure how to align things in four dimensions.
Dylan Beattie

... You think about how to render a !
fish-head

... You decide to stop testing that wonderful recursive structure you've created and so you bump up the recursion level for that final overnight render and go to bed. Next morning you wonder why the swap file has grown to nearly 450mb, your hard disk is making dying noises and pov is *still* parsing.
fish-head

... You can describe in perfect, legal, pov syntax, how to re-create everything in your computer room using primitives and csg operations.
fish-head

... You let a scene take a solid week to render, only to reject and delete the final image.
fish-head

... You start wishing you were actually in that futuristic mandelbrotian landscape you just rendered.
fish-head

... You can't sleep because your mind is racing away trying to optimise that niggly looped bit of code.
fish-head

... You spend hours and hours getting that green flame-like halo thing looking absolutely perfect then someone comes along and points out that the wall texture is distorted and stretched.
fish-head

... www.povray.org is your default homepage in your web browser.
fish-head

... You keep a notepad and pencil by your bed in case you wake up with a new scene idea.
fish-head

... You catch yourself thinking up random CASE statements to recreate different leaf textures while walking the dog.
George Erhard

... You've analysed the photos on the cover of Weekly World News and think that you could have done a more convincing job with POV.
George Erhard

... You actually contemplate spending $$$ at a printing bureau to litho some of your raytraces for your non-computer-literate relatives.
George Erhard

... You think it's a failing of the universe that the large software companies like Corel or Fractal Design do NOT export to POV primitives.
George Erhard

... Your friends run Fractint to make T-shirts and ads for raves. You run Fractint to make terrain maps and starfields for POV.
George Erhard

... You see an obviously rendered animated GIF you like, and instead of using it "as is" you try to figure out how to make it yourself.
Gerhard Bouma

... You try to find the address of Julia Mandelbrott, because you fell in love with her shape.
Jan Weber

... Your friends are used to the fact that you will suddenly stop walking in order to look at objects and figure out how to do them as CSGs.
Jeff Lee

... You find yourself wishing you'd paid attention in math class to all those formulae you thought you'd never have any use for in real life.
Jeff Lee

... You ask your non-mathematically-inclined friends if they know the formula for a Bezier patch, hoping that they actually might.
Jeff Lee

... You own "Toy Story", have watched it at least two dozen times, and know stupid trivia like the number of different tile textures they used on the floor of the foyer in Sid's house, but you forget what the plot is.
Jeff Lee

... You flame the creator of a humourous raytracing list for including "Toy Story" because it wasn't done using a raytracer.
Jeff Lee

... You look at a wall with a jeweller's loupe in order to figure out its pigment/normal/finish pattern. When you leave, other people cluster around the spot to find out what you were looking at.
Jeff Lee

... The alarm clock goes off, and you try thinking: object { SnoozeButton translate y*-0.25 } ... and then can't figure out why the alarm keeps ringing.
Jeff Lee

... Even though you've explained raytracing to them, your family doesn't really understand what you're talking about, and they wonder why you won't just admit you took those pictures with a camera.
Jeff Lee

... You find yourself fascinated by things other people don't even notice.
Jeff Lee

... People around you are astounded by the computer-animated tails they put on babies in The X-Files. You complain that it looks fake because they didn't bother to put in the tails' shadows.
Jeff Lee

... Other people upgrade their computers so they can play Quake and strangle themselves with Office 95. *You* upgrade so you can render faster.
Jeff Lee

... Even though you're anti-Micro$oft, you seriously consider putting a Win95 partition on your hard drive just so you can use sPatch.
Jeff Lee

... Other people's Images directories contain N00D G1F$ downloaded from the Net. Your Images directory contains raytraces that you upload *to* the Net.
Jeff Lee

... You see a physically attractive person, and your first thought is, "Nice blobs!"
Jeff Lee

... You are compiling each of these quotes into a big text file ...and putting it on your web site.
John M. Dlugosz

... You're sick of your slow-assed PII/400.
John VanSickle

... You look at a matrix transform and know instantly what it does.
John VanSickle

... You've made more than two posts to the 4:3 vs 16:9 thread for the Movie Project.
John VanSickle

... You make scenes by typing out the .POV code without using a modeler or even pencil and paper, and the scene renders exactly the way you want, the *very* *first* *time*.
John VanSickle

... Intel's R&D department limits you to two calls a day.
John VanSickle

... Your text editor has macro keys for each and every POV primitive including the poly object and the julia fractal.
John VanSickle

... You picked the neighborhood you live in by the level of difficulty you expect to have in modelling it.
John VanSickle

... You prefer bald romatic partners, because they're easier to model.
John VanSickle

... You can remember back to a time when you thought raytracing was a guy named Ray sitting at a desk tracing.
Ken Tyler

... You see the movie credits going by and instead of seeing Lenses by Panaflex it always seems to say Lens Effects by Chris Colefax.
Ken Tyler

... You install voice recognition software to use in your script editor and a month later find yourself using a tape recorder to speak for you because your voice is shot.
Ken Tyler

... Your wife's raytraced image you made to flatter her is the only one you see of her anymore.
Ken Tyler

... Your computers hard drive only has 2 directories listed. One for your OS the other called povray.
Ken Tyler

... You go through more that one keyboard a year.
Ken Tyler

... You check the dictionary out of curiosity to see if the word pov is there.
Ken Tyler

... You spend hours setting up a slide show of all your pov generated images, then invite friends, neighbors and relatives over and no one will watch it with you.
Ken Tyler

... You wonder why you ever collected those 200 megs worth of paint and image manipulation programs now rusting somewhere on your hard drive.
Ken Tyler

... Your ophthalmologist examines you for complaints of eye strain and blurred vision and asks you why the words Pov, #declare, #include, sphere, translate, rotate, texture, and pigment are permanently burned into your retina.
Ken Tyler

... Your ophthalmologist looks up at you with blurry eyes and tells you he has had complaints from some of his other patients. Then asks if you could recommend any good modeling software or if you have any good source files he could have.
Ken Tyler

... You think to yourself "Here I am, with a brain the size of a small planet and I'm forced to render images on these primitive computers. If only I could adapt an interface directly to my brain I could ..."
Ken Tyler

... You render a scene overnight. In the morning you go to see how it turned out. Your computer has a message waiting for you that says "Pleeeease no more raytracing. I can't take it any more !".
Ken Tyler

... You boot up in the morning and your computer has a message waiting for you that says "Come on buddy get a life !".
Ken Tyler

... You over hear your three year old trying to discuss rendering techniques with his peers.
Ken Tyler

... When doing animations you realize you have memorized every multiple of 360 up to 100.
Ken Tyler

... You have one project you have been working on for a year that everyone who has seen it exclaims "It's perfect, beautiful, a master piece" yet you figure you probably have another years work to go before it's finished.
Ken Tyler

... You post an idea to a news group about starting an Internet movie project using PovRay.
Ken Tyler

... You have gone full circle and find your self writing a scene that contains only a shiny sphere hovering over a green and yellow checkered plane...
Ken Tyler

... You can't decide which one of your kids your going to sell on the black market so you can afford the plane ticket to the london PovRay conference coming up.
Ken Tyler

... You find yourself trying to hack your way into one of the Cray super computers convinced if you can get in you could prove real-time raytracing was possible.
Ken Tyler

... You personal correspondence to friends starts out with #Dear Linda =
Ken Tyler

... You are certain that if you see one more post on c.g.r.r. from a newbie asking what the best raytracing software available is your going to go out and throttle the hell out of some one just to get it out of your system.
Ken Tyler

... You are Seriously bummed out because you didn't get to be the one millionth customer at povray.org.
Ken Tyler

... Your wife walks into the room wearing only a smile and you start thinking of Colefax's fur macro.
Ken Tyler

... You think that the evolution theory was based on the triangular origin of the wheel.
Mark Kadela

... You wear fuzzy clothing to soften your shadow.
Mark Kadela

... You stop working on a scene even before you render it because you believe it is pointless to make an image if there's no hope of it looking real.
Mark Stock

... You want to cheat and look at nature's source code.
Mark Stock

... You go back and re-learn all that stuff they taught you in engineering school so that you can make more realistic objects.
Mark Stock

... You think using photoshop is cheating.
Mark Stock

... Your source files are starting to get bigger than the image files...
Matt Amos

... You're a scientist, and you start working on multidimensional problems because there's no point in trying to publish raytraced figures of two dimensional data.
Matt Jones

... You read each of these quotes...
Mike Weber

... You get a compuserve account so that you can get the very first new Pov beta.
Nathan O'Brien

... You buy a new hard drive so that you can have 2Gb worth of swap space.
Nathan O'Brien

... You remember when POV-Ray 1.0 was new, and POVCad was the only Windows modeller around.
Neil Clark

... You spend 11 days on a makefile for a *strange* flavor of Unix, just to 'do a POV benchmark'.
Neil Clark

... Spend more than 10 render attempts to try and 'find' an object in your scene file.
Neil Clark

... You dream of real-time raytraced games and game engines.
Neil Clark

... You model something perfectly by hand, and then spend 3 weeks writing a useless POV utility to do the exact same thing.
Neil Clark

... You've ever thought or said out-loud, "I'll bet I can raytrace that!"
Neil Clark

... You own (and USE) a micrometer for scaling objects to raytrace.
Neil Clark

... You have a pet name for every pixel on your screen.
Nicholas King

... You go to Church and you think of how to model the golden ornate cross on the alter.
Paul Jones

... You know the average number of hairs on a human head.
Quietly Watching

... You've tried rendering hair with each strand as an object.
Quietly Watching

... You decide to render a bird ..... creating each feather separately.
Quietly Watching

... You no longer find people ugly ..... they have "interesting" faces.
Quietly Watching

... You've tried to scan your face for a texture.
Quietly Watching

... You've seriously thought about investing in a true 3D scanner.
Quietly Watching

... You know a lot more about basic anatomy and proportions than the average person with a degree in fine arts.
Quietly Watching

... You know what each part in a motor looks like but don't know its name.
Quietly Watching

... You create a motor using every part ..... even the ones that don't show ..... just for authenticity.
Quietly Watching

... Your neighbours think you are a "shutin" and have some serious "issues".
Quietly Watching

... You find it perfectly reasonable to sit in front of your computer in your sleepwear all day until it's time to return to bed.
Quietly Watching

... Your family thinks you are avoiding them.
Quietly Watching

... Your screen saver is a piece of paper stuck to the monitor saying "DO NOT TURN OFF THE COMPUTER".
Quietly Watching

... You are Compulsive, Neurotic, Anti-Social, Paranoid, Manic Depressive But basically happy.
Quietly Watching

... You spend so much time at the computer that people that don't like you complain that they don't see much of you anymore and that you aren't being social.
Quietly Watching

... You've convinced your boss that raytracing is really an integral part of yourjob title. (and you really don't work in a position that requires it)
Quietly Watching

... You look at those triangular road signs which have a square background.... and wonder why they didn't just alpha-channel them!
"Rarius"

... You can write POV files in your sleep... and do!
"Rarius"

... Your electricity bill is extortionate because you refuse to let any rooms in your house be unlit, even overnight.
Richard Morton

... You end up in a detox clinic after experimenting with too much media.
Richard Morton

... You can't help thinking that if the World was created in six days then it must have been with anti-aliasing off and only point light sources used.
Richard Morton

... Your ears perk up when someone mentions working at a rendering plant.
Simon de Vet

... You were ever dragged out of a theater for yelling "Cheap rasterized graphics!!!" in the middle of Toy Story.
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever freeze framed Toy Story.
Stephan Ahonen

... You cannot go anywhere without thinking at least 5 times: "I wonder how I could render that..."
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever gotten in a flame war over various rendering softwares.
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever snuck out of your bedroom to moniter the progress of an overnight render.
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever wondered at breakfast what the ior of syrup is.
Stephan Ahonen

... Anyone has ever told you: "WOW!!! You make 3d images on your computer?!" or something similar.
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever said "I don't need no steenking modellers!!!"
Stephan Ahonen

... You have ever "Hard-Coded" a bezier patch.
Stephan Ahonen

... You visit a neighbour and they tell that they've got a new lightbulb, and they say, "we know how interested you where in the old one, so we've saved it for you".
Steve

... You would rather give M. C. Escher a raytracer than giving J. S. Bach a synthesizer.
Sven Rudolph (Germany)

... You hope that you can render your ideas on your PC before you die.
Sven Rudolph (Germany)

... You even think about using Povray for writing letters.
Sven Rudolph (Germany)

... You dream of the new StarWars episodes done entirely with Povray. (Aren't they?)
Sven Rudolph (Germany)

... This big, ugly 300 pound guy with a nasty look walks right up to you, and all you can say is: "You know, I did this neat bump map once that looks just like the zits on your face, with a color map that also resembles your blotchy skin. Amazing coincidence, huh?"
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You know exactly what a scene look likes after reading only its POV script.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Suddenly, the almost godlike patience required to teach young children comes naturally to you.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... A co-worker nearly kills himself over losing an hour's worth of work after a computer crash, and you just calmly shrug your shoulders and say, "Is that all?"
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You know exactly where the Sun is by looking at the Moon.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You stop using a protractor to measure angles because you can do it just by looking.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You know how far away a scene's light source is just by looking at the shadows.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You can't look at any raytraced image without thinking up ways on how to improve it.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You have a new-found respect for what God went through creating the world, and find it very hard to believe that even He could do it in only six days.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You go to your shrink and, trembling heavily, discuss your deep anxiety about if raytracing will ever produce truly photographic-quality images before you die.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You seriously entertain thoughts about learning C so you can improve POV-Ray without waiting for the POV Team to do it.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You've gained twenty pounds sitting at the computer, but can't tell because your beard covers your stomach.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You thought the infamous Book of Questions would have deeper stuff in it, like "If you could only use one renderer, which would it be?', etc.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You can tell which programs were used to create an image.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You find yourself daydreaming for hours on end what it would be like to go back in time and give Michealangelo a decent raytracer.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You concentrate so hard on the effects watching "Toy Story" that you honestly don't have a clue as to what the story was about.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You loudly deride someone else's interpretation of a raytraced scene, despite the fact that his wrists are way thicker than your biceps.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Your spouse accidentally tripping over your PC's power cord and interrupting your complex rendition seems to be adequate grounds for iorce.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... After learning that the warden will let you have a PC in your jail cell, the prospect of a ten-year prison sentence doesn't seem so bad. In fact, the years will go by pretty quick, you say to yourself.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You can figure out how long an image will take to render even before it starts.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You can no longer tell the difference between the top raytracing book and the "Raytracing for Dummies" book. To you, they're both hopelessly uninformed.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... After only twenty seconds, the average person has absolutely no frigging idea what you're talking about.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You insist that the photo store use pixels to describe all image measurements.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You have to produce a report for your boss before noon, but can't bear the thought of simply copying a plain pie chart from Excel, so you get someone else to do it. Afterwards, you totally disrupt the meeting by throwing up after accidentally looking at the page with the pie chart in it.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You resign the fact that printing uses CMYK instead of RGB to one of those tests God gave to Job; otherwise life would be too painful to go on.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... A lifelong friendship ends after a bitter dispute over whether the Imperial attack on the rebel base on Hoth would have looked better done with CG effects or not.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Your 18 year-old daughter asks if she can marry one of the POV Team, and you give her your complete blessing.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You utterly forget your most basic priorities by telling your wife that her dress is so ugly you wouldn't texturemap distant polygons with it.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You start coming up with your own names for colors.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You can't visit most Web sites anymore because you're tried of cleaning the vomit off your keyboard.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... All your browser bookmarks have something to do with raytracing.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You downloaded the source code to Netscape Communicator so you could change the buttons to use cool little raytraced images.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You switch to Linux because Microsoft won't release the source code to Windows so you can change all the buttons in your OS to use cool little raytraced images.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You steal computers to build render farms with.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You fuss with your monitor brightness/contrast controls for more than an hour.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You use unfavorable religious expressions to describe those who don't raytrace.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You're at church, and for a moment you honestly expected to see the minister hold up a copy of the POV-Ray manual after mentioning the Bible.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Some guy at a party casually mentions that raytracing produces results superior to other forms of digital painting, and you hysterically jump and down and repeatedly shout "Amen, brother!!!"
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You start perceiving people who don't raytrace as a lower form of life.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Someone points a gun inches from your head, and the next sentence out of your mouth *still* has something to do with raytracing.
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... You tell stories to your kids that include stuff like "Once there was a polygon mesh who was very sad because he was only Gourard shaded."
Taps a.k.a. Tapio Vocadlo

... Someone asks you to define a word for them and you start off by saying "#declare...".
"the Morrigu"

... You start to wonder what all this fuss is about watching paint dry.
Thomas Lake

... You look at real clouds and criticise their media and radiosity settings.
Tom Melly

... People ask you what you're thinking about, you say "POV" and you are then surprised when they obviously don't know what you're talking about.
Tom Melly

... Someone shows you a photograph of their new rough-slate kitchen floor and you say "nice normal".
Tom Melly

... You find yourself creating utilities to create a single shape, and think it's normal.
Twyst

... You spend more time "tweaking" a texture than modelling the rest of the scene.
Twyst

... You converted POV-Ray into an operating system; now you've got all the system resources to do your renderings.
Vimal N. Lad / Gautam N. Lad

... You wonder if the human eye uses ray-tracing, and at what it's frames per second rate is?
Vimal N. Lad / Gautam N. Lad

... You invented glasses that can be configured to use variable resolution (eg. 320x240, 640x480, etc.), with POV-Ray style switches for other effects (eg. anti-aliasing, radiosity, etc.)
Vimal N. Lad / Gautam N. Lad

... You asked Intel if they can develop a chip for POV-Ray.
Vimal N. Lad / Gautam N. Lad

... You look at a real-world scene and think that it looks too unrealistic. Fixing the textures and lighting a bit should help. - Then you realize that you are looking at a real-world scene and blush.
Warp

... You talk to you girlfriend about nothing but raytracing, and your girlfriend understands everything you say.
Warp

... You get lots of "undefined or invalid # directive"-errors when programming in C++.
Warp

... You try to compress a mandelbrot landscape made of spheres just to 4 lines of pov code.
Warp

... You see something in the real world and you think, "Hey! How did they get that effect?"
Unknown

... You leave your estate to the POV team.
Unknown

... You think you can do better than reality.
Unknown

... You got all the jokes in Reboot's 3rd season.
Unknown

... Your scene files are larger than the pictures they generate.
Unknown

... You know the teapot bezier patches by heart.
Unknown

... You're watching Bay Watch on the telly, see Pamela A. walking by and shout out "Great bump mapping!"
Unknown

... You can recite your high school Trig book from memory.
Unknown

... Rather than hang a picture on a nail you just yell at it: union {object {Painting} object {Wall}} ... and can't figure out why it keeps sliding off.
Unknown

... You boot your computer with multiple OSs to see which loads the new version of POV-Ray faster.
Unknown

... You have had the urge to recreate your house in POV-Ray.
Unknown

... You wake up to find you have already coded half you scene file in your sleep.
Unknown

... You look outside the window and ask yourself what the particle density of the current sky is...
Unknown

... Your eyes begin to pixelize.
Unknown

... You quinta boot your home PC to try most versions of POV. (DOS, W95, WNT, OS/2 and Linux to date)
Unknown

... You're talking over a romantic candle-lit dinner for two and she says, "Why are you crying?" to which you reply, "I've been trying for years to make a POV-Ray candle flicker like that! boo-hoo..."
Unknown

... You find yourself having a Web surfing cycle of two months: http://www.irtc.org/ is what caused that.
Unknown

... You even tried PVM-POV over a null-modem cable (PPP link).
Unknown

... You rendered a pie chart in POV-Ray.
Unknown

... You checked http://www.povray.org/povbeta.html looking for the Unix word before checking your mail this morning.
Unknown

... You have wondered how you could change your Xterm windows transparents so that you could see your background image through them.
Unknown

... You spent a full week improving quality in an animation; your friends did not see the difference.
Unknown

... You find yourself hungry and discover that it is 9 PM and that you have been rendering since 8 AM without a pause.
Unknown

... One of your pets' names is Phong.
Unknown

... You look at waterfalls, dust, rain, snow, etc, and think: "If only I had a fractalized, vector based particle-system modeler with collision detection..."
Unknown

... You can see the luminescent green wireframe behind everything you see.
Unknown

... You watch the Making of Mist video to see what modeler they use.
Unknown

... You really respect that big guy who modeled all the great animated scenery around you within only six days but feel jealous that he have this big parallel multiprocessor machine to make quality animation at realtime.
Unknown

... You start playing "Guess The Rendering App" during raytraced scenes in movies, to the annoyance of all your friends watching with you.. (they have *no* idea what you're talking about)
Unknown

... You look up at the sky and think "Hey, nice smooth color gradient, that must be 32-bit color at least."
Unknown

... You see a nice looking house down the street, so you go ask the owner if you can see the source code for it.
Unknown

... You think history repeats itself because of a #while loop.
Unknown

... You spend $2000 on upgrading your computer so that POV-Ray runs faster, and you scoff at Rhino for costing so much.
Unknown

... You take your POV-Ray to work and raytrace a little animation while out for lunch.
Unknown

... You collapse in the middle of a sermon in church, mumbling about CSGs, #declares, and finishes.
Unknown

... You purchase Toy Story for inspiration - then do a better version for fun.
Unknown

... During a word association test, the tester says, "Jar" and you cry out "Lathe!"
Unknown

... You think these quotes constitutes a violation of privacy.
Unknown

... Your room loads line by line in the morning when you wake up.
Unknown

... Instead of a photographic memory, you have a photo-realistic memory.
Unknown

... You think Windows loads fast.
Unknown

... You describe a criminal to the cops in terms of a mesh.
Unknown

... You hire 4 guys named Vince to help you "borrow" a Cray Supercomputer.
Unknown

... You consider 2D art that of fools.
Unknown

... You POV-Ray manual is on the same shelf with your Bible (or Koran, or Torah)
Unknown

... You kiss your POV-Ray manual when you drop it.
Unknown

... Whenever you write include, even in essays, etc, you always add a "#".
Unknown

POV-Ray related movies (coming soon in your theatre!)

Honey I scaled the kids
Jan Weber

2001: A 'media' Odyssey
Bob Hughes

2001: A POV Odyssey
Tony Vigil

A Farwell to Pov
Ken Tyler

A Nightmare on #End Street
SamuelT.

A Pov's life.
Warp

A Render's life
Matthew Bennett

A simple scene
Zeger Knaepen

A Teenage Werender in London
Ken Tyler

American POV
Lance Birch

Angels in the Povzone
Ken Tyler

Another 480 hrs.
Ken Tyler

As My Animation Turns
Ken Tyler

Babes in Povland
Ken Tyler

Beyond the Valley of the Povs
Ken Tyler

Blair '#while' Project
Bob Hughes

Born On the Fourth of Julia
Ken Tyler

Bram Stoker's DracuPOV
Tony Vigil

City of Angles
Lance Birch

Close encounters of the Povray kind
Matthew Bennett

Crackledile Dundee
Ken Tyler

Dances with POV
Marc Schimmler

Das Pov.
Warp

Dead povrayers society.
Warp

Dead Pov's Don't Wear Plaid
Ken Tyler

Deep inPOV
Lance Birch

Debbie Does Pov
Ken Tyler

Don Juan De Macro
Zeger Knaepen

Don't Tell Mom the Raytracers Dead
Ken Tyler

Dr. Strangepov or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pov.
Warp

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Raytracing but Were Afraid to Ask
Ken Tyler

Forest Bump
SamuelT.

Full metal POV
Marc Schimmler

Gone With the Render
Ken Tyler

Grumpier Old Povs
Ken Tyler

Grumpy Old Povs
Ken Tyler

Height_Field of Dreams
SamuelT.

Hunt for Red POV
Marc Schimmler

I know what you raytraced last summer.
Warp

I Still Know What You Raytraced Last Summer
Tony Vigil

Indiana Jones and the last raytrace.
Warp

Interview with a vamPOVer
Lance Birch

Invasion of the Render Snatchers
Ken Tyler

Isosurface Jones and the Texture of Doom
SamuelT.

Jurassic povray.
Warp

La vita e Povy
Zeger Knaepen

Little POV of Horrors
Bob Hughes

Little Pov on the Prairie
Ken Tyler

Lone Pov McQuaid
Ken Tyler

Lost in POV
Bob Hughes

Magnum Trace
Ken Tyler

Mary Povpins
Ken Tyler

Mary Shelley's FrankenPOV
Tony Vigil

M.E.S.H. 4077
Ken Tyler

Message in a POV Script
Lance Birch

Midnight in the Garden of Pov and Evil
Ken Tyler

Monty Python and the Holy Povray.
Warp

Natural Born POVER
Marc Schimmler

Night Pov Nurses
Ken Tyler

Normal Ray
Ken Tyler

Octopovvy
Ken Tyler

Once upon a time in Povray.
Warp

One Flew Over the Povray's Nest
Warp

One Life to Render
Ken Tyler

Pee Wee's Big Pov Adventure
Ken Tyler

Play it Again, Pov
Ken Tyler

Pov Academy: Mission to Moscow
Ken Tyler

Pov fiction.
Warp

Pov on a Hot Tin Roof
Ken Tyler

POV TV
Lance Birch

Pov Wars: Episode I - The Povray menace.
Warp

POVer
Lance Birch

Povray 90210
Ken Tyler

Povray never dies
Matthew Bennett

P.R.
Matthew Bennett

Primatives are for ever
Matthew Bennett

Renderer on the Roof
Ken Tyler

Rendering hill
Matthew Bennett

Reservoir povs.
Warp

'rgb 0' Beauty
Bob Hughes

Robin Hood: Pov in Tights
Ken Tyler

Robin Hood: Prince of Raytracers
Ken Tyler

Robopov.
Warp

Rudolf the Red Nosed Renderer
Ken Tyler

Saturday Night Raytracing Fever
Ken Tyler

Schindler's script
Lewis

Shakespeare in pov.
Warp

She's All POV
Lance Birch

Six Days seven Nights
Tony Vigil

Sphere
Ken Tyler

Star Warps
SamuelT.

Supermandle
SamuelT.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Tracers
Ken Tyler

Ter'media'tor
Zeger Knaepen

The Dark Crackle
SamuelT.

The Fifth *Vector* Element
Lance Birch

The Four Povateers
Ken Tyler

The full Povray
Matthew Bennett

The great Povray
Matthew Bennett

The life of Povray
Matthew Bennett

The matrix.
Warp

The Neverending Render
SamuelT.

The Positively True Adventures of the Alledged Raytracing-Murdering-Mom
Ken Tyler

The POV strikes back
Marc Schimmler

The POV Who 'fog'ged Me
Bob Hughes

The Povfather.
Warp

The POV-Ray Show
Lance Birch

The Rendered Mermaid
Bob Hughes

The South POV Movie
Lance Birch

The Truman Sphere
SamuelT.

The Twilight Cone
SamuelT.

The wizard of Pov.
Warp

The Wrath of Pov
Ken Tyler

There's something about Povray.
Warp

They Shoot Raytracers, Don't They ?
Ken Tyler

This is Spinal POV
Tony Vigil

Three renderings and a funeral
Matthew Bennett

Total Raytrace
Zeger Knaepen

Trainpoving
Zeger Knaepen

#While You Were Sleeping
SamuelT.

Willy Wonka in the Raytrace Factory
Ken Tyler

Wuthering Height's Field
Ken Tyler

Young FrankenPOV
Tony Vigil

You've Got POV!
Lance Birch